A month ago, I was given confirmation that you existed. I thrilled, cried, and thanked God on my knees for you. I announced you to others, admittedly with trepidation. I laid in bed after everyone had gone to sleep, touching my belly and imagining our future. I looked forward to your first kick and imagined that you were perhaps a little boy. I would name you Seamus, much to the chagrin of my husband and family.
Did you know, December baby, that I prayed for you for nearly a year? That I pleaded to God to bless my already large family with another child- that I cried and thanked God when I saw that second line? Most of all, sweet December baby, did you know that I loved you before you were conceived? And, make no mistake- you were conceived in love.
I knew, from the beginning, that something was wrong. I had no morning sickness, and I felt uneasy making an official announcement. The day that I first saw you on the ultrasound was the day that I lost you. You became real to me that day, and then you were gone. You were sent to the very best place- the safest place, the best place, into the arms of Jesus- but yet I cried, because my arms were empty. I wanted you here with me- I wanted the morning sickness, the creaky joints, the emergency bathroom breaks. Instead, I had an empty womb and a body that had forgotten that my baby had died. I had all the symptoms of pregnancy without the baby, until it was over.
Sweet December baby, I never saw your face nor ever knew if you were a boy or a girl- but I love you as any child born to me. I hold fast to the Lord’s promise that He shall wipe every tear from my eyes and that you are safe in His arms until we meet. Until then, know that I love you and I miss you- but I rest easy knowing that you are in the best possible place, in the arms of our Savior.
I love you, sweet December baby. You were mine for a brief moment, and I give you back to the One who first gifted you to me. Until we meet again, I will remember those quiet nights where I marveled at the tiny being taking place inside of me- the secret you and I shared. The moments where I knew my body was no longer my own- but a vessel for a tiny soul.
Above all else, know that you are loved- by a holy and benevolent God and from a loving and mourning mother. I miss you every day but I thank God that you were given to me, however briefly.
I love you, wee December baby.
Our women’s ministry had its inaugural breakfast today. It was a wonderful time of fellowship, good food at Denny’s, and an uplifting testimony from our resident missionary wife. Continue reading
So easy, and so fun to make. It’s not easy to get my 34 year old brother to smile but this sure did the trick!
An easy peasy pattern that’s ready in a few short hours. Perfect for the Minecrafter in your life! Continue reading